


KP Duty

by cathouse_mary



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 02:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2905778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathouse_mary/pseuds/cathouse_mary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scout's got some surprising skills for the runt of the litter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	KP Duty

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to the ever-awesome Delphi for the beta. Good friends give you fandoms. :)

KP Duty

Scout likes mornings. He gets all the hot water and all the room he wants in the showers when it's dark o'clock in the morning. No smartass thinks it's fun to flush and run while scalding the rest of the company still in the showers. He can shave without having a bunch of asses and elbows in his face and comments about his lack of daily, even beard growth. That and he kind of likes the quiet. It's not something he's ever had a lot of, and quiet can be kind of nice. At least, it's quiet until he gets his first two cans of Bonk down before they hit the ready room.

For this reason, he's on the duty roster every other week to cook breakfast for the rest of these bums. He can remember riding Ma's hip when she was cooking, and when he was bigger he got to "help your Ma out, Mikey." All of the Sullivan boys are good cooks because of helping Ma, though maybe Mike's better because he had nobody else coming up behind him who needed to be kept busy. He got all the way to eighteen and past it helping Ma out, or just handling the kitchen stuff when she was tired from work. By the time he was twelve, he would make breakfast every morning, and if Ma was really busy he'd make dinner, too. Three of his oldest brothers own and sling hash for the Sullivan family businesses. Johnny Jay for a bunch of drunks at Sully's Breakwater Bar & Grill, Pat for the dock wallopers at the Sea Star Diner, and Jimmy and Markie for a bunch of snotnose rich college kids over at The Music Box who'll pay a whole buck for a cheeseburger.

Now Mike cooks for a bunch of headcases in the middle of the southwestern badlands. At least the headcases are appreciative. Holy shit, these guys can eat. Being here isn't so bad, and it's kept him out of Vietnam. He was going to enlist, but after his oldest brother Ralphie came back in a box, he just couldn't do that to Ma.

After he hits the lights in the kitchen, the first thing he does is start the big six-pot coffee maker and brew it strong. Snipes gets his own pot. Doc Tall, Dark and Scary doesn't drink coffee at all in the mornings as a holdover from his surgical days - but he can be a real bear to deal with because of it. Tons o' Fun has a pot-sized cup and glugs down two every morning. Cyclops needs a pot of his own to hammer down the hangover. Everyone else will tank about four pots between them.

Three pounds of bacon goes in the oven, cranked to about 350 to get it nice and crisp. It would take a lot of talent to fuck up scrambled eggs and pancakes, so he mostly does those. He's lazy, okay? When he wants to go all out he does home fries with the real parsley in there just like Ma's. Sometimes he'll do grilled hamsteaks or sausages. If he has the time he does real biscuits - Doc calls them "butter sponges" and loves the damn things almost as much as Engie. God knows there's never anything left. He skips the baked beans with this bunch, though.

So the bacon cooks and Scout uses an old dish soap bottle to squirt malted pancake batter onto the griddle in two rows. By the time he gets to the end of the griddle, he can go back and start flipping them over. When that's done, he goes back and flips the pancakes one by one into a big steel tray and puts them in the warming oven. It takes about eight pancakes with butter and syrup to feed up a merc, but he rounds up to eighty because he likes even numbers. The eggs get done in minutes and he throws open the doors to the mess hall after lugging it all to the table.

"Come and get it or I'm throwing it to the pigs!" He's cleaned up behind himself so that he can serve himself first and already be chowing down when the guys show up.

Soldier's generally there first - wearing a towel if Scout's lucky, with his works out to air if he's not. Spy shows up in shirtsleeves, putting in an appearance to bitch about the food, though he eats enough of it. Heavy and Doc generally show up together and always dressed. Doc, however, shows up looking sharp - shaved and showered, starched and ironed, even with a shine on his waffle-stomper boots. Pyro generally just lifts the lower portion or his or maybe her mask and packs it in. At least six grown men have no idea what's under there, and the two who could tell them won't. Most everyone else shows up in pyjamas, a bathrobe over underwear, or a pair of company sweats.

"Pass the syrup."

"hrygo."

"Take human bites."

"Want some more coffee?"

"Hey, any more of those potatoes?"

"There's not a single vegetable in this meal."

"Potatoes are vegetable."

"Holy shit, Scoutie. Is this coffee or jet fuel?"

"I figured you were tired of being a lightweight. Don't worry, we'll get you up to Bonk status."

He bets BLU is gimping along on ration packs. RED can out feed, out fuck, out fight, out party, and out anything else those dumbasses can manage.

"Gonna tear 'em up today."

"Yeah, buddy."

He loves these assholes. They're crazier than his brothers. Crazier than anybody.

"Gonna make some noise today, man."

"That's what I'm talkin' about."

They're pumping up. Everyone has feral smiles like a favorite alley cat that might headbump your ankles or tear up your arm and piss on your shoes. Yeah, RED's gonna rant and roar.

"Let's go, let's go!"

"Raus! Asses are not kicking themselves today!"

His legs won't hold still. He wants to get out there and run. Beat BLU then come back and party until the wheels fall off. It's gonna be good today. He can feel it.


End file.
